The Dysfunctional Family
by The All Real Numbers Symbol
Summary: A collection of stories about the fifty states of America. "You have treated me with immense unkindness this winter, Negafook." Alaska said, staring at General Winter. Story #7: Negafook
1. It's Good to Be First

**The Dysfunctional Family**

* * *

**Summary:** A drabble collection focusing on U.S. State OCs. Chapter one: Delaware becomes the first state to join the Union.

**Rating: **T as a precaution

**Genre:** General

**Disclaimer:** I do own the state OCs. I do not own any Hetalia characters.

**T.A.R.N.S.: **I've got all these state OCs floating around in my head, and I'm getting tired of it and I want to let them out, and that's how the idea for this came around. Expect some stories to be historical, some not to be historical, and nothing to be arranged in chronological order (unless I feel like it.)

* * *

**It's Good to Be First**

_December 1787_

It was a snowy day in December when the man pulled his horse to a stop outside the cabin door. He had been given an important letter to deliver, and hoped that someone would be home to accept it.

He strode up to the door of the cabin, his footsteps trailing behind him in the snow, and knocked on it. It was opened a moment later by a young woman wearing a long dress and kerchief over her blonde hair. In one hand she was holding a broom.

"I have a letter to deliver to one William Jones." The man said. "Does he live here?"

"He does." Deresa Jones, personification of the State of Delaware, answered, wondering what letter had come for her brother. "He isn't here right now."

"Could I leave this with you, then?" The man asked.

"Certainly. I'll see that my brother gets it as soon as he gets home." Delaware replied as she took the letter. As the man started walking back to his horse, she shut the door and looked over the letter.

"This is in Dad's handwriting." She realized as she looked it over. "Maybe it's more news from the Constitutional Convention!" She glanced around the empty house. Pennsylvania spent some time at the Convention but was now back home. Today he was off chopping wood, as their supply was getting low.

Technically the letter was addressed to Pennsylvania, but if there was news, then she wanted to know. She flipped the letter over and pried the seals off the back, then spread the pages over the table.

_This isn't an update! This is a law that Dad needs all of us to ratify._ Deresa realized, then ran off to get a quill pen and a bottle of ink.

When William Jones, personification of the State of Pennsylvania, got home that night, thoroughly worn out after a long day of cutting and hauling wood, Delaware was waiting to greet him.

"Pennsylvania! You'll never believe what came today!" She said.

"An update from the Constitutional Convention?" He asked as he slid out of his coat and hung it on the coat rack, then brushed loose flakes of snow from his black hair.

"More than that. It's a law that Dad needs us to ratify." Delaware said as she held out the packet.

William took the envelope and looked it over. "Wait, Delaware, this addressed to me ... and it's already opened."

"I … was kind of excited… so I opened it to see if there was any news." Delaware admitted.

"You opened my mail again? And you already ratified the document?"

"Why not? Dad said to pass it on."

There was a long pause.

"Delaware, you're my sister and I love you dearly but next time, please don't open my mail."

* * *

**T.A.R.N.S.:** Pennsylvania is called the Keystone State because of all the stuff that happened there before, during, and after the Revolutionary War, but I was looking at an article on Wikipedia and saw that Pennsylvania was only the second state to join the Union. Delaware went first. And I thought, how come the Keystone State is second? Shouldn't Pennsylvania be first? Then it hit me: Delaware was and still is reading Pennsylvania's mail.

The title of this little fic is actually Delaware's slogan. Really. The title of the story itself comes from the fact that I think America having fifty kids means the family will be dyfunctional. Anyway, onto the state stats here.

DELAWARE - Deresa Jones, first state, joined the Union on December 7, 1787. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and she lives with her brother. I think I actually picked that up from another story on here, so it's not my idea.

PENNSYLVANIA - William Jones, second state, joined the Union on December 12, 1787. He has black hair, cut short, and brown eyes. He sister Delaware lives with him, and New Jersey has been known to drop by and spend time living in Pennsylvania's spacious house, too. Pennsylvania was named after William Penn, the guy who founded the state of Pennsylvania, and goes by a couple of nicknames: either Penn or Will, dependning on who is talking to him and when. Also, he is addicted to Hershey's chocolate Kisses. Why? Because the Hershey company is located in Pennsylvania and I just couldn't resist.

Expect more information to be gained further on in the story. Assuming I get more ideas. And some reviews. Please review! And I wonder what will happen next...


	2. Missouri's Strange Pet

**The Dysfunctional Family**

**Drabble #2**

**Missouri's Strange Pet**

* * *

**Summary:** "Your pet is a what?" "It's a spooklight. I named him Spooky." There was pause, then Oklahoma said, "Dad is gonna have a heart attack when he sees that thing."

**Disclaimer:** Did you know that Maryland's theme song (state song) was written during the Civil War? By the South? (Maryland was neutral during the war.) Just a fun fact. And yes, i know Maryland is not in this story, but that was an interesting tidbit.

**[A/N:]** Okay, this one has no historical value, it's just for fun. I'm not sure what anyone else will think of it, so please review when you get done reading!

* * *

"I'm tellin' you, Missouri, it is the darndest thing I have ever seen. And it's happening on your side of the line, so I want you to make sure it stays on your side and doesn't come over into my land."

Erik A. Jones, personification of the state of Missouri, frowned at his brother. "Would you mind explaining exactly what 'it' is?" he asked.

"It is the Hornet spooklight." Oliver Jones, personification of the state of Oklahoma, replied. "It's this weird ball of light that floats around wherever it wants for no apparent reason and I don't want it in my land!"

"So you mean to tell me that there's some kind of spooky ball of light that just goes flying around without rhyme or reason and it's on my land, and you don't want it on yours." Missouri said as he stood up from the dining room table and went into the kitchen. "Is that right?"

"Yep. That's right." Oklahoma confirmed.

Missouri dug through his fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer left from the last case Wisconsin had sent down. He returned to the table, set one down in front of Oklahoma, and said two words. "Show me."

"Show you what?" Oklahoma asked.

"I don't believe that there are any of the spooky lights out there. Show me. I want some sort of proof that this isn't a joke."

Oklahoma muttered something under his breath about Missouri's "show me" tendencies, then reached for a pad of paper sitting on the end of the table. "Here. I'll give you some directions for exactly where you can go to watch this thing. But it's still your problem, not mine."

* * *

And that was how, two nights later, Missouri found himself sitting out in a forest along an abandoned road, using his flashlight to look at the map Oklahoma had drawn for him and waiting for the spooklight.

"_If you go down this road," Oklahoma had said, "You'll come out by a little strip of road known as the Devil's Promenade, and – how could you not have known about this sooner, Erik? I mean, it's _your_ land."_

"_Yeah, yeah, just draw the map." He had replied._

Erik looked down at the paper one more time to make sure he was in the right place, then shut off the flashlight and began to wait.

The sun had set about two hours earlier; now the only things to keep him company were the crickets and the stars.

He sat there for an hour. Then another hour passed, and a third. When he checked the luminous dial of his watch, he saw that it was already a few minutes past midnight.

"Oklahoma, if I end up sitting out here all night because this was all a trick, I'm going to kill you." Missouri threatened the empty air.

Then, off in the distance, he saw an orb of white light floating over the ground. And it was getting closer.

"Well, this is what Oklahoma was afraid of?" He asked, holding his hands out to the thing, which floated over as though it belonged. "You're not so bad after all." He said as the spooklight settled into his hands. "I think I like you."

* * *

When Oklahoma came to visit a week later, Missouri was in his kitchen, frying cheese ravioli.

"That smells pretty good." Oliver said. "When do we eat?"

"As soon as I'm done frying up the last ravioli. Get the marinara sauce out of the fridge would you?"

Oliver got out the sauce and some parmesan cheese and set them on the table, along with two plates and silverware.

As the pair sat down to eat a few minutes later, Oklahoma asked, "So, you said you had something to show me next time I came to visit," He said, popping a piece of ravioli into his mouth.

"Oh yeah. I wanted to show you my new pet."

"You have a new pet?"

"Yep, I got him last week."

"So when do I get to see this new pet?" Oliver asked.

Missouri grinned. "You can turn around and see him right now. He's right behind you."

"Right behind me…?" Oliver repeated as he turned around and saw a spooklight floating a few feet behind him.

Then the Sooner State let out a very foul expletive. "Missouri! That's a-a-a-"

"A spooklight." Missouri said proudly.

"You got a pet spooklight?"

"Yes."

There was a long pause, then Oklahoma spoke again. "I'm sorry; I don't think I understand this. You pet is a what?"

"A spooklight." Missouri repeated. "I named him Spooky. He likes my fried ravioli."

"Fascinating." Oliver said dryly, watching as his brother fed the spooklight a piece of ravioli. "I didn't know spooklights ate ravioli." Then another thought occurred to him. "You know, Dad's gonna have a heart attack when he sees this thing."

"He will not."

"You know he doesn't like scary things."

"He's not gonna be scared of Spooky."

"Yeah, well, you be sure and show him your…pet… next time he comes down to St Louis. We'll see who's right. If I'm right, you owe me a year's supply of ravioli."

"And if you're wrong, you have to …" Missouri paused, trying to think of something demeaning. "You have to go with California to the next Twilight movie that comes out."

Oklahoma shuddered. "Fine. But I don't have to worry about that, because I'm going to win!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll believe it when I-"

"See it. I know."

* * *

It was two and a half weeks after Oklahoma's visit that Alfred F. Jones, personification of the United States of America, showed up at his son Missouri's house.

"Erik, are you home? I knocked, but I didn't get any response." Alfred said as he walked through the house, trying to located the Show Me state.

Missouri, who had been working on some papers in his study and hadn't even heard the knock, looked up from his work. "Sorry! I'll be there in just a minute!" he called, even though his father was still out in the hall somewhere.

He began writing faster, trying to finish the paper he was working on, when suddenly he heard an exclamation of a foul expletive.

Funnily enough, it was the same expletive Oklahoma had used less than two weeks ago.

"Oh crap." Missouri jumped up and threw his pen down. "I forgot about Spooky!" _And worse, I think I owe Oklahoma a year's worth of ravioli now._

He ran out of the room and down the hall, where, to his surprise, he found his father holding the spooklight.

"Geez, this thing scared me. Why didn't you tell me you were getting a Marfa light as a pet, Erik?" Alfred said.

Missouri blinked. "Marfa light? That's a spooklight!"

"Oh really? I thought you got it from Texas."

"No. I haven't seen Texas in a month. I got Spooky here after Oklahoma told me about him. He likes my ravioli."

"Who? The spooklight or Oklahoma?"

"Uh…both, actually." Missouri said after a moment of thought. "But you're not afraid of Spooky?"

"What?" America asked. "Nah. These mysterious glowing orbs of light are everywhere." He said, releasing Spooky so the critter could float over to Missouri. "I mean yeah, he caught me by surprise when I came in, but I've seen these things before."

"Cool! This means I don't owe Oklahoma a year's worth of ravioli."

"What?"

"Never mind." Missouri said. "I found a restaurant that does great T-ravs. Wanna try it?"

"Sure." America replied. "You mean you're not gonna cook this time?"

"No, Oklahoma cleaned me out last week." Missouri admitted.

"Alright then. Lead the way!"

"Great. C'mon, Spooky."

And with that, the trio headed off to find some dinner.

From that day on, wherever Missouri went, Spooky was not far behind. All the states had to agree that Missouri had the most unique pet –

At least until Wyoming adopted a pet jackalope.

* * *

**T.A.R.N.S.:** Well, I was wondering which story would get done first. It was battle of the stories: who would get done first? Maryland, Missouri, or Hawaii? Missouri won. That was interesting; I thought Hawaii would get up here first.

Sppoklights, for those of you who are unfamilair with them, are these weird balls of light that show up near Hornet, Missouri, but you can see them best from the other side of the border, in Oklahoma. no one knows what these things are, and some people claim that they are just reflections of car headlights (never mind that this doesn't explain the claims of people who say that thier grandparents saw the spooklight long before car were being mass-produced, but hey). Turns out that even though I learned about the Spooklight first, there's also the Marfa lights, which are nearly the same thing under a different name, and while I was researching the spooklight I read something about similar lights in at least on other state. So they're all over the place (hence the reason America is not afraid of them: he's seen them before).

And the jackalope thing, well that's definitely weirder that a spooklight, but Wyoming doesn't take his pet with him when he leaves home, unlike Missouri who takes Spooky everywhere. Now, onto the profiles.

MISSOURI - Erik A. Jones, twenty-fourth state, joined the Union on August 10, 1821. He has light brown hair and green eyes, and of course he has the pet spooklight that goes with him everywhere. he tends to dress in a casual manner; his coat/jacket is almost always undone, and for some reason he tends to wear a red armband tied around his left arm. I have no idea why this is. his favorite food is fried ravioli.

OKLAHOMA - Oliver Jones. I don't know much about this guy yet, so he'll have to get a profile at a later date. Sorry.

I forgot to mention this last time in my previous state profiles, but Deleware wears jeans and layered shirts, and Pennsylvania wears a long-sleeved white shirt, dark pants and a matching vest.

Alright, I think that's everything. Thanks to everyone who favorited/added teh fic to thier alerts, and thanks to CharlotteDay for being the first reviewer.

Please review!


	3. Of Steelers and Packers

**The Dysfunctional Family**

**Story #3**

**Of Steelers and Packers (Super Bowl 2011)**

* * *

**Summary:** It's time again, football fans; the Super Bowl is here! And the States are getting ready for it.

**Disclaimer:** it's funny that I'm writing a story about the Superbowl when I don't actually like the Super Bowl.

* * *

"It's time for football."

Arizona blinked and looked at his older brother. "So, by football, you mean football, not soccer?"

"Yes, I mean football," Texas replied, setting a bowl of pork rinds on the table. "Ready for the Super Bowl?

"Yep." Arizona said. "I wonder who's going to win this year…"

* * *

New York dug through the fridge, intent on finding something cold and preferably alcoholic to drink. He had come day yesterday to help Pennsylvania get ready for the big game and for a brief break from the lights of his beloved New York city. In the back of the refrigerator had found what he was looking for: a case of beer.

"Ooh, it's from Wisconsin." Anthony said as he pulled it out. Pennsylvania came walking by a moment later, and paused when he saw what New York was doing. "Hey, put that back. It's for the game tomorrow."

New York contemplated it for a moment, then gave up and put the case back into the fridge. "Why'd Wisconsin give you the beer? I thought you two had teams going against each other this year."

"His note said it was a goodwill gesture." Will said, setting down the folding chair he was holding. "Anyway, we'll have something to drink tomorrow." He picked the chair back up and took it out of the kitchen doorway, down the hall. New York pulled a can of Mountain Dew out of the fridge and followed him.

Pennsylvania set the other chair down in the living room near the TV. Over the past several days he, with Delaware's help, but begun moving all the extras chairs into the living room.

New York took a seat in one of the chairs and looked around. He looked like he wanted to say something, but before he could New Jersey walked into the room. "Hey Penn, do you have anything I drink? Like, something alcoholic?" He asked, then he noticed New York. "Well, if it isn't the ole high an' mighty trial lawyer."

"Well, if it isn't the general menace to society." New York retorted. "Pennsylvania, what is New Jersey doing here?"

"He's here, first of all, because the heat in his apartment broke, again." Will said dryly, his tone indicated that he wasn't exactly buying that excuse.

"But you forgot the most important question." New Jersey said, then pointed at New York. "Why is _he_ here?"

"I have to make the buffalo wings." Anthony replied.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously." Pennsylvania cut in. "The Super Bowl is two days from now. Most of New England is going to descend on my house this Sunday. Besides them, West Virginia, Ohio, and Maryland might come. Even Maine promised to come if he didn't get snowed in."

"It's gonna be a big party."

"Yes." Will said, brushing something off his shirt. He had dressed down today, wearing jeans and a Penn State t-shirt. He pulled a chocolate kiss out of his pocket, unwrapped it, and popped it into his mouth. "Come on," He said, pulling out another kiss. "Since you two are here early, you can help finish gathering chairs. And New York, if you get into a fight with Massachusetts when she shows up, I'm going to throw you both out."

* * *

Wisconsin pulled the wire mesh basket out of the deep fryer and dumped the piping hit cheese curds onto some paper towels so they could drain. "Perfect." He said, turning the deep-fryer off.

"Hey, Wisconsin! Where's the broom?" Minnesota called.

"Umm, I think I left it near the front door." He replied.

Minnesota headed over to the front door and found the broom. "I'll just sweep the hallway here real quick, and then all the cleaning should be done." She said.

"Thanks Minnie." Wisconsin said. "I think most of the food is done now. All we'll have to do is reheat it when everyone else shows up on Sunday to watch the Super Bowl here."

"So who all is supposed to be coming?" Minerva asked.

"I'm expecting Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, and then maybe Nebraska, the two Dakotas, and I don't know if Missouri will come up here or if he'll go down to Texas' place to watch the game." Wisconsin told her.

"Any word on Michigan?"

"Umm, nope. I don't know if he'll come or not. He might. I promised if he came I wouldn't give him too hard a time about having to root for the Packers."

Minnesota giggled. "Twenty bucks says he doesn't come."

"You're on."

The doorbell rang, and the duo went to answer it. It was Iowa. "Hi! I hope you don't mind that I came a little early. I brought corn tortilla chips for tomorrow."

"Of course." Wisconsin said. Iowa loved her corn.

"And look! New Mexico sent of a jar of spicy salsa the other day." Iowa said, pulling it out of her bag. "It'll go great with the chips."

"It sure will. Come on in." Wisconsin told her.

He picked up Iowa's bag for her and brought it in, and Minnesota took the food and put it in the kitchen.

"Is Missouri coming over?" Iowa asked as she looked around the house, which was already decorated for the Super Bowl.

"Dunno." Wisconsin said. "When I talked to him, he mentioned he might go down to Texas' place and watch the game there with the other southwest states."

"That's cool. So, what else has to be done?"

"Umm… well, we'll need more chairs." Wisconsin volunteered after a moment of thought.

"Then let's go find some!" Minnesota said, the trio headed off to hunt down some more chairs.

Because nothing made for a good excuse to get together and have a party like the Super Bowl.

* * *

**T.A.R.N.S.:** Meh. I don't know if I like my ending, but at least I go the fic done.

As a general rule, I don't actually care about the Super Bowl, and I won't bother to care until the Colts go back (and only because I live in Indiana and the rest of the state will care), but I did realize that hey, this is a good opportunity for a story. Texas and Arizona got to cameo at the beginnig because I know that people from all over the world are on FFN, and when I say football I mean American Football, not your football, which we call soccer. Not sure how well that cleared anything up. This a conglomerate story, so no profiles this time, but I will give you the states' human names, for those that don't have profiles yet.

MINNESOTA - Minerva (Minnie) Jones

NEW JERSEY - Enrico Jones

IOWA - Iola Jones

WISCONSIN -

Texas, Arizona, and New York already have profiles on my other blog http : / / newrevolution (-) cynicalbook( .) blogspot (.) com (/) I have not updated in eons, but you'll find the profiles in the sidebar under 'sticky notes' and labelled 'state notes.'

And I need to make one correction to my previous story. A reviewer, The Babel Fish, pointed out to me that that Missouri's favorite food that he references last story are called Toasted ravioli, and I dont think I called them that anywhere in the chapter. I know I used the abbreviation T-ravs, but for the record, in the previous story, when you see that Missouri is frying up ravioli, it's called toasted ravioli. Just FYI.

And I think I've exhausted all of my notes for now. So, was it good? Bad? Indifferent? Please review and tell me what you thought. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far!


	4. Cheese Whiz

**The Dysfunctional Family**

**Story #4**

**Cheese Whiz**

* * *

**Summary**: Minnesota just wants to enjoy some cheese whiz. Wisconsin just can't believe her.

**Disclaimer**: Liking Hetalia can make lots of things more awkward. Like for example, when someone says, "God bless America! Long may she prosper!" And you're sitting there thinking, 'but, America's a guy.'

**T.A.R.N.S.:** This is a completely random story I thought up last night, when I had cheese whiz again. I haven't had it in forever. And one thing led to another and then I had this story. It's good to be back in Dysfunction Junction, though. I've been busy with lots of other stuff lately.

Now, for the sake of those who have never heard of this before, there is one thing I need to explain befoore we begin: cheese whiz. This is a fake cheese thing that comes in a can. To get it out of said can, you take the little cap off, hold the can, and use your index finger to push the little nozzle on the top of the can down. When you do that, the cheese whiz comes out. You can either make a long, thin trail of it by moving the nozzle across the cracker, or can hold the nozzle in the same place and get a big dab of it in one place on the cracker, or bread, or oatmeal, or however you like to eat cheese. When you take your finger off the little nozzle and let it stand straight back up, the cheese stops coming out. Okay. Everyone got that? Good. let the story begin.

* * *

Minerva Jones, the personification of the state of Minnesota, squeezed some more cheese whiz onto another cracker and popped it into her mouth. "Mm. This is good."

She reached for another cracker and was squeezing more cheese onto it when Wisconsin entered the room.

"You know Minnesota, it is spring. Haven't the temperatures gone down over here yet?" He asked, and then noticed something. "Good lord! What are you eating?"

"Cheese whiz. Want some?" She asked, extending the can.

"How could you do this? That's not real cheese! Don't I give you enough real cheese to keep you happy? Don't I give everyone in the family enough cheese to keep them happy? But you're eating fake pasteurized cheese product out of a _can_!" He turned and ran out of the room, and Minnesota used the opportunity to squirt some more cheese whiz onto another cracker and pop it into her mouth.

Wisconsin returned a moment later, with a cooler. "Look I even brought cheese with me!" He said, setting the cooler down and opening it. "Let's see. I have Gouda." He held up a small round of cheese. " And Colby, Monterey Jack, Colby and Monterey Jack, American, Blue, American Munster. I even have Cheddar! I have all sorts of cheeses here! Which one do you want?"

Minnesota considered it. "I want the Colby and the American Munster. And, hey is that chocolate cheese?"

"Yes."

"I'll take that one too." She said, then squirted some more cheese whiz onto another cracker.

"Minnesota! What are you doing? I thought we were getting you better cheese here! Real cheese does not come in a can!"

Minerva waited until she had swallowed the cracker she was chewing, then said, "I know that Dan. But I like cheese whiz too, and I haven't had it in ages. Why don't come over here and try some?"

Annoyed, Wisconsin set the other cheeses back into the cooler and went over to join Minerva at the table.

She squeezed a generous dab of the 'fake cheese' onto a cracker and passed it over to her brother. Dan took the cracker and after staring at it for a moment, popped it into his mouth. He chewed it up and made a face. "Oh, I knew this wasn't real cheese. It has such a weak flavor. How can you eat this?"

"I like it." Minnie said, reaching for another cracker. "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it."

"Good. Pass the crackers." Wisconsin said, dragging the cooler over to where he was sitting and pulling the Gouda out of the cooler and his penknife out of his pocket. "I'm going to have some real cheese."

* * *

**T.A.R.N.S.:** Poor Wisconsin. he just wants his family to eat good cheese. ^^ The fact that he's a cheesemaker may have something to do with this. Oh, and chocolate cheese is real, by the way. I've had it before. Just once. It wasn't half bad, as I recall.

WISCONISN - Daniel (Dan) Jones, joined the Union on May 29, 1848 and became the 30th state. He has dark hair and eyes and tends to dress in a casual manner. He's a bit shorter and plumper then most of his siblings, because, well I looked a a map and thought that kind of fit, just based on the actual piece of land. No offense to you Wisconsinites reading this.

MINNESOTA - Minerva (Minnie) Jones, joined the Union on May 11, 1858 and became the 32nd state. She has long golden hair and brown eyes. She is very used to cold temperatures, but likes to visit her siblings down in the south, where it's warmer. Like Wisconsin, she dresses casually, but her favorite thing to wear is her frilly trench coat. She is almost always wearing a pendant made of Lake Superior agate, her state stone. Her state name means sky-tinted/clouded water.

Well, that all the notes I think I have for this one. I apologize for forgetting to reveal Dan's name to you all last chapter; I meant to put it up there and forgot about it. My bad. Anyway, please review, so I have something to look forward to when I get back from Math class tonight!


	5. Hello Hurricane

.

.

* * *

**The Dysfunctional Family**

**Story # 5**

**Hello Hurricane**

* * *

**Summary:** Maryland and New Jesrsey have the doors and windows boarded up, and they're ready and waiting to ride out Hurricane Irene.

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Hetalia nor Hurricane Irene. And honestly I don't really have a desire to own a hurricane.

**T.A.R.N.S.:** Okay, so is it just me or does the U.S. have a monopoly on a couple of kinds of natural disasters? I undrestand that with the Rocky Mountinas the plains get the tornadoes, but what's with the hurricanes all the time? Anyway, I was reading a couple of columns about storm prep on another site, and it gave me an idea. So I blew off my homework and wrote this instead.

* * *

New Jersey held the board over the window. It was the last one to go one the window; together with the two others it would completely cover the window. "You know Maryland, I have no idea how I ended up down here."

Maryland finished nailing in the last nail, and dropped an extra one back on the box. "Yes," He said, nodding. "I don't know why you're here either. Shouldn't you be further up north, bothering Pennsylvania and/or New York?"

Enrico Jones, personification of the state of New Jersey, shrugged. "New York is running around like crazy, just in case this hurricane hits him, and Penn's not concerned at all. Oh, he's stocked and ready and got everything that could possibly get blown away tied down, but he's not concerned."

"He lives farther inland than you or I." Mark Jones, the personification of the state of Maryland, said as he picked up the box of nails and the hammer. "Did you put lawn furniture in the shed?"

"Yes."

"Did you close the door?"

"Yes."

"Is that everything in the yard that could possibly get blown away?"

"Yes." New Jersey muttered as he picked up two extra boards lying on the ground and followed Maryland around to the shed. "Gee, now I remember why I don't have a yard."

"No, instead you have an apartment on the fourteenth floor of a building in Atlantic City." Maryland remarked as he took a board from New Jersey and set it over the one window in the shed.

"It's good real estate." New Jersey insisted.

"It may not be after this hurricane goes through." Mark replied, nailing the board over the window. "There. That takes care of all the windows. Speaking of apartments, what is New York going to do? I hope he has enough brains to realize that staying his penthouse during a hurricane is not the brightest idea."

"Yeah, he kinda figured that one out. He was frantically packing when I showed up. First I guess he was just gonna ride out it out, but then the forecast changed. I bet he goes and stays with Penn through this, too." New Jersey said.

Maryland had pulled out a pad of paper and was checking things off on it. "Car is in the garage, windows are boarded, loose objects from yard are stowed away…I'll have to send Flora a thank-you note after this storm is all done."

"What'd she give ya?" New jersey asked, peering over Mark's shoulder.

"A list of things to do before Irene hits." Maryland said. "And I believe I have just finished the last item on this list. Ready to ride out the storm, Enrico?"

"Yeah." New Jersey kicked at a rock. "I hope it doesn't tear things up too badly."

"Yes, 1938 is year none of us want to repeat." Maryland said as he put the pen and pad back into his pocket.

"And the sky is so clear this evening."

"Yes, the sky is the brightest and clearest right before you get nailed by a category three hurricane." Maryland remarked dryly. "Well, might as well go on in and get some hot food. We may not be able to have any for awhile after Irene goes through."

And the two headed back into the house, leaving a bright, clear evening sky behind them.

* * *

**T.A.R.N.S.:** I am not trying to make light of this or any hurricane, alright? Let me say that now, so no one jumps to conclusions. This was written last night (9-25-11), which is why it references the evening. Swithfoot fans will recognize the title of the story. there was another hurricane in 1938 that hit New England, and since I saw it referenced in one of the sites I was looking at, I referenced it here, too. The worst damage from the 1938 Storm was in Conneticut and Rhode Island, but other states along the coast took a beating, too. In New Jersey's case, the Atlantic City boardwalk got torn up, among other damage. (All of these facts come from Wikipedia, so they may or may not be right.) Now, onto the states.

NEW JERSEY - Enrico Jones, joined the Union on December 18, 1787, and became the 3rd state. He has black hair and blue eyes, and like most of his family dresses casually, though he likes to dress in blue and tan, his state colors. He spends lots of time bothering Pennsylvania and New York 'cuase I read somewhere that New Jersey is basically a suburb for those who workin in Phiadelphia and/or New York City. Which is why when something In Jersey's apartment - lights, water, etc - breaks, he shows up unannounced at New York or Pennsylvania's house and becomes the Thing that Will Not wrote in last time he showed up and wondered why no Jersey Shore jokes were made. No Jersey Shore jokes were made becuase I don't watch that show-and I'm sure that show is an insult to the state.

MARYLAND - Mark Jones, joined the Union on April 28, 1788, and became the 7th state. He has blond hair and blue eyes, but he dyes his hair black, becuase most of his family is blond and he decided he wanted to be different. he also wears a lot of black. Yes, despite what I'm sure most of you were probably expecting, I made Maryland a guy. He is something of a pessimist. His favorite food is crabs, preferable cooked into crab cakes.

Penn, I'm sure you remember, is short for Pennsylvania. 'Flora' is Florida's human name. And...umm...hey I think that's it for these notes. YAY!

Alright, that's all for this round. Everyone, please R&R. And to those of you in New England, stay safe up there.


	6. Chocolate

.

.

* * *

**The Dysfunctional Family**

**Story #6**

**Chocolate**

* * *

**Summary**: It's the day after Halloween, but the horrors aren't over yet. Now begins the rise of the chocolate thieves...

**Disclaimer**: CHOCOLATE!

* * *

The ringing of the phone interrupted Maryland's train of thought, and he looked up from his book and over at the phone with moderate disgust. Then he reached over and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hi Mark, It's Delaware." She said. "So how was your Halloween?"

"The usual. Passed out candy to the hoodlums again. Why?"

"Is your candy dish empty?"

"No, as a matter of fact I had candy already and I didn't have one hoodlum come by my house last night. You know I'm out of candy. What kind of stupid question is that?" Maryland asked.

"Well..."

* * *

Pennsylvania quietly pushed open the door to his house and quietly pushed the front door shut. In one hand, he held two plastic grocery bags, each of them full. He twisted around, putting his back up against the wall and peering cautiously around the corner.

The coast was clear.

He tiptoed around the corner and hurried down the hall, looking around all the time to make sure that no one was coming.

But the house was quiet and seemingly empty.

Even Delaware must have gone.

With a small grin, he reached for the door that led to the kitchen. Then he paused, grin vanished and eyes narrowed as he listened for any sound from beyond the closed door. The house was still quiet, so he reached over and opened the door.

He groped around for the light switch; the room was dark with all the curtains over the windows drawn - when had he closed the curtains? Delaware must have closed them. He flicked the lights on, and then gaped at the room.

"Delaware? Why is half of New England in my kitchen?"

"We all gave away our candy last night." New Jersey said.

"And how is that my problem?"

"It's the day after Halloween." Maryland said. "So we know where you've been."

Pennsylvania glared at his sister. "Delaware, what did you do?"

Delaware looked away, not answering.

"Come on." Connecticut said. "Share with us."

With an exasperated sigh, Pennsylvania pulled a bag of Hershey's kisses out of one of the grocery bags and tossed it over to them. "That's all you get. The rest are mine."

"How many bags did you get this time?" Enrico asked.

"That's none of your business." Pennsylvania growled as he pulled open the freezer door. "Why don't you all go buy your own chocolate?"

"Because it's so much more fun to mooch off you." Maryland replied, escaping from the hoard gathered around the bag with several chocolate kisses. "Happy first of November, Penn."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

* * *

**T.A.R.N.S.:** This story popped into my head today while I was at work, so I wrote it up and sent it to myself via email. I went shopping for some chocolate today. Shopping after the holiday is enjoyable; everything is ridiculously marked down. ^^ But I picked up some extra chocolate so I could keep the rest of my family out of my chocolate kisses, and that's how this ficlet was born.

Anyway, this one was done on the fly, so I'll let you all decide how good or bad it is.

Please review!


	7. Negafook

**.**

**.**

* * *

**Negafook**

* * *

**Summary**: "You have treated me with immense unkindness this winter, Negafook." Alaska said, staring at General Winter

**Disclaimer**: I've run out of witty disclaimers, so I'm open for options. State OCs belong to me. Hetalia doesn't.

* * *

When the snow finally thawed, and Alaska dug his way out his igloo, he had little time to deal with the cause of the problem.

There were roads to clear, roofs to shovel snow off of, and an oil tanker trying to get to port so that there would be oil for heat.

So the first thing Alaska did once he was outside was hitch up his dog team and head to town to help them dig out.

The National Guard was already helping there, and he helped wherever he could. Sometimes it was easier to shovel; most of the time it was easier to use his power over the snow and ice to move it out of the way. Even for his power, there was only so much he could do.

Before late afternoon he decided to call an end to work for the day. He needed to find supplies and before he went home, there was someone he wanted to talk too.

He loaded up his sled with supplies, hitched up the dogs, wrapped his pale blue scarf – a gift from Russia so many years ago – around his mouth and nose to keep the cold winds at bay, then pulled the hood of his parka up over his pale blonde hair and set off.

He was used to the snow. It had always been there, after all. He had lived with his native people before Russia came, and it was there he had learned all the arts of the snow.

He, who did not freeze in the bitterest cold, had been made the shaman to Negafook, per the orders of the elders of the tribe.

The sun peaked out from under the clouds to shine on the snow as the dogs ran across the snow. There were no houses, no buildings. Just the tundra, the sun, and the snow.

On the horizon, a tall, dark object became visible. It was a great Inushuk, built long ago, before even Russia had come.

Negafook was near; he could feel it. This was the Inushuk Alaska had built for him. Once a year, the northern state came here to leave an offering for Negafook in the hopes of pacifying him.

Alaska stopped the dogs near the Inushuk and dug through his supplies until he found some food to make a sufficient offering, which he set near the rock pile.

As he stood back up, he felt the familiar presence and turned to face the spirit behind him.

"You have treated me with immense unkindness this winter, Negafook." Alaska said.

General Winter stared back at him. "You know well that no one controls winter, Anyu." He replied, in a voice that sounded like the winter winds howling through trees. "No one controls me."

In the olden days, the elders would have made sure he took his shaman's mask. They believed it was wrong for any go-between to stand before Negafook without a mask, but after so many years, Alaska felt comfortable standing in front of the snow spirit without his mask.

"I know that. My people are having difficulty."

"Not your people. Your people understood me." General Winter said, his voice now sounding like shivering ice crystals.

"So they did." Alaska acknowledged.

"But see, I have let the snow go." General Winter said, gesturing towards the sky and the sunset. "I will give you this reprieve. This time." He moved past Alaska and in a blur of winter wind, the offering was missing.

The dogs in their harnesses growled and barked as the General moved closer to Alaska.

"Yes," Winter repeated, looking into the state's eyes. I will give you a reprieve. For now."

"I ask for my people. I do not ask for myself." Alaska said. "All of my people."

General winter did not reply, instead turning away and vanishing in the permafrost.

Alaska stared after the spirit, then turned back to the dogsled. The sun was sinking beneath the horizon. He needed to be home before it got too late.

"_Andrey, where are you going?" Russia asked._

_Alaska pulled his mask down over his face and picked up the carved wooden bowl. "I must take the offering to Negafook."_

"_Negafook?" _

_Alaska nodded. "He is the spirit of winter."_

"_Is he?" Russia murmured, then added. "I will come with you. I wish to meet Negafook, also." _

_Alaska considered it. "Alright."_

_They walked to the Inushuk, which was no short journey. Alaska carried the bowl in front of him and kept his mask on the whole time. Russia walked next to him._

_As the pair approached the Inushuk, Negafook was standing there waiting. _

_Russia let his breath out between his teeth and muttered two words._

"_General Winter."_

* * *

**T.A.R.N.S.:** So this is a story I thought up yesterday while I was getting my butt handed to me by my homework. Derp.

So here we get to meet Alaska, AKA Anyu, AKA Andrey Braginski, now known as Anyu Andrey Jones. (Though you can throw the Braginski in there too, if you want. It goes before Jones.) I was inspired to write this because Alaska just dumped on by General Winter. Some towns got upwards of 27 feet of snow. And now down here tonight, we've got winter weather advisories. (So General Winter left Alaska alone and came down to menace the Midwest instead.)

ALASKA – Anyu Andrey [Braginski] Jones, joined the union on January 3, 1959, making him the 49th state. He is taller than America but 3-4 inches shorter than Russia. He also looks similar to Russia, which I find confusing. Anyway, he has pale blonde hair, purple eyes, wears a pale blue scarf that Russia gave to him, a traditional fur parka, fur boots, and black pants. His first name is supposed to mean snow, presuming my sources are correct. (If they're not, feel free to PM me and let me know.)

Negafook, or Negafok, is some kind of Aleutian snow spirit. Thusly, I decided that Negafook is what Alaska calls General Winter. =]

Anyway, I need to get back to work. Please reveiw and let me know how I did!


End file.
